I drank
From the Darkness
Lighting
From Within

 


Too many years to remember                            all blending, shifting

gone, somewhere?

                      the same as stones into a dark body of water

            there not there

Heavy

                               reach in and search for it

those years, to linger on your lips and tongue like salt

                  brightening, tasting life      dissolving before you

                                                   count to 100

 


Ive been caught Godless

staring into the face of 

mother Nature, crying

hand turned toward a darkened sky

as rain poured from her

out of her, onto me

looking into the fading 

sun as clouds grew

thick like chimney smoke

there, among the fields of

wheat and hay, looking out

over the town that raised me

I shook beyond the horizon

and crumbled along the ridges

of the Rocky Mountains

 


Darkness followed footsteps in the light

a group stood looking at the glass palms of others

their heads bent forward in prayer, engrossed


I walked miles looking at faces

hair was of interest at first but I quickly moved to clothing

as it provided better stimulation


I watched my wealth fly away on sidewalks made of tradition

in currents of breath filled with decades of silence

I shook the hand of Jesus and smiled as he served me coffee

a young man in jeans with a haircut I'd never imagine 

walked by a window blowing kisses to his reflection

I caught a glance in time to see his smile vanish from

the steamed glass


It's hard to get the right jacket for the day

I struggle with this often, am caught off guard by the

weather, or my decisions? I don't know.


I've lost track of time

the less you need it the more you loosen from it's

Constraint

days are punctuated by suns and moons but they do not determine

the hours


somehow I become a man

with a mustache and a collection of Hawaiian shirts


I recognize my face less

strangely the face I saw in dreams as a child

a man I thought I’d become

creases unknown, softer, darker eyes than before

a face I’ve seen all my life


My wardrobe was coming together

then work stopped, just like that

and I wore pajamas for three months, made coffee

four times a day

and brush my cat in between naps


Stood naked in the shower (as one does) and thought 

about death long enough I lost track of time

my death, and how it would find me, not here, out there

by my hand or otherwise

I felt no water down my back, no hot boiling pinch 

coming up the rusted pipes

like fingertips on my shoulders tumbling

I felt no body standing in the tub, staring, off in another 

world until I moved and turned toward the falling rain 

not rain but you could never know

and like a switch a new thought there, here, without a hint of 

pause, brightening in space, taking me back to 

the non-water trickling down my face


 



Ripples of light

Passing through me

Not around

 


I used to watch the sky move like waves. A forming body uninhibitedly drifting and changing before, through me. Often I look past the sky. I forget to look up and see it for what it is, how it moves, changes color, expands and contracts in lightness and in dark. Among the buildings I see the sky but not the same sky I remember, this living thing, sometimes an afterthought

 


Cartier-Bresson was focused on time

or the passing of it

passing through it?

Buddhism has a way with words that

I cant come by at the moment

to describe presence

a removal of time, allowing one to BE

walking, clicking a shutter, 500ths of a second

gone but captured, advancing

those moments, regardless of their outcomes

he cared not for the end, it was all about the act

catching life before it’s gone

that smile, a leap through the air, puddles not yet

rippling before feet stomp down

to not get hung up, to experience true freedom

as the sun moves along a wall, breaking

cutting darkness as it reveals or vanishes

leaving you breathless

winding forward

 


Almost forgetting how it feels to run
phantom sense of gliding over the trails in my legs
heavy breathing into the thick and seasoned air
carrying it all on me
these days, caught between work and home
taking back those days spent catching up
with myself
a thing to hold, control, now fading
knee still scares me, no pain, in my head a
deep caution, to push or be pushed to continue
forgetting, taking these moments to grow
understand, to move like wind in all directions
constant and unguided, letting it happen

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